2020 - I'm still here

Hello! 

I'm still here, still doing well. Updating so this doesn't get lost. 

x

He no longer dreams of the apocalypse

I wrote on Facebook once, that I dreamt of the Armageddon as a possible excuse of never having to go back to my job, ever again. 

This too has changed. I dreamt many days and many nights that I would find a different job, that I would be free.

And now Im free and I got a different job. I have been to therapy.

Life is different now, with my fancy laptop.

With my fancy phone.

With my fancy watch.

I only have two cigarettes left until payday and no cash whatsoever. 

But it has been a good month.

There has been a lot of inward thinking and being away from the night pleasures has been good for me. My mind is clearer, my lungs are almost minty fresh. And my thoughts are sad, always sad. But thats okay. 

I wanted to leave a note of hope, an unusual hope. One I must continue to work on, every day.

Manchester, a love story

I told you the truth. I have lost my ability to write. Maybe its because of the language difference, it feels false to write in Portuguese - but English isn't as comforting. 

When I kissed your lips, I didn't need a language. I only had to decipher where you wanted me to touch you, surfing in the waves of your moans. Feeling your penis hard on my hands.

I wanted to set you free while I pulled you closer. I wanted to take your mind away, a place we could both be together. Far away from this bedroom and these walls that are not ours.

I had a feeling about you when I saw you. I know you were drunk and I was high. But I still had a feeling about you and my instinct wasn't wrong.

If only life was kinder and you lived closer. If only life could be a permanent succession of slam poetry gigs and sex in an Air BNB. If only I could find you again, standing against the wall, covered in white feathers and with a goofy half drunk smile.

Why do we have so many borders keeping us apart when there are no borders in our minds? 

In Glasgow, the only currency is truth

Last night I had an usual night. Decided to go out to someones party, everyone was there, etc.
Ended up going back to my friend ST house party in fucking Ibrox - and suddenly someone brought up the guy I was\am kinda of seeing.

He is so weird though!
He is just so weird, don't you think M?
I mean he just doesn't look right in the head.


And this is the thing, the more you have to hide, the more inherently people will be suspicious of you.

the boy and the city

urgh.
why am I going back to Portugal?
why did I spend so much money if none of it is going to be valued?
I hate christmas and I hate my hometown.
good fucking luck to me

Dear diary, I'm back

hello, it been a long time.
I thought I had lost this space for good. But I 'm still here, still fighting.
Most importantly still WRITING

King of Self Destructive behavior

Its easy to snub off the addicts, the poor, the mentally ill, the ones that live in the border of society. Apart from the system, we say that they didn't try hard enough or that they were not strong enough to be able to part of society. 

The interesting part is the exact same people that judge the fringe are the ones that feed of them, as leeches. For every real job, for every night out, take out and fuck out there is someone else paying for it. 

Knowingly so I fly my flag high. I am the king of destructive behaviour - not as an act of ignorance but as an act of rebellion. 

Because lashing out doesn't work - so you destroy yourself. 

Deny and Destroy.